Support group. How to empathize with a loved one?

How to help a loved one feel that they have someone to rely on to survive in a bad mood, trouble or hard times?

To pity and sympathize? What method of education you choose and

Recognition is edification

There is a joke that no one loves us for who we are. We love beautiful, funny and cheerful. Love us, when with us is easy. But if a person is difficult, sad or scared if the work blockage and ferocious boss, if you have a headache, someone hurt much, if at all, long black stripe in life is to share what he hears in response? “We told you that it is all no good end!”, “What are you upset? There is nothing to worry about”, “who is to blame?”, “Unless there is a problem? I have!..”, “Pull yourself together! Stop whining! Pull yourself together!”, “Cheer up, things could be worse”.

A man expects a drop of sympathy and a recognition that it is bad. And it turns out that he was forbidden to feel what he feels, his feelings are worthless, they are dismissive. Not out of malice, of course, and not from indifference. We just all very difficult to withstand the negative emotions – their own and others. When a loved one is suffering, we experience a lot of bitterness and powerlessness. Impotence hides from us his pain. And giving advice is much easier than flowing through his hard feelings.

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To sympathize or act?

According to the observations, people can be divided into two groups.

First in times of need, someone to just be next to them, patted on the head, poured hot tea, said: “my Poor Bunny, I feel for you”. In these moments of despair they have absolutely no power to solve all problems. They need a little bit to catch my breath, to talk, to come to, to recover in a safe space where there will be people who will give advice and say what to do, and will pour tea, to hug and to listen. And then offer help.

People from the second group are quite different. If they can sometimes be a nuisance if they get into a problematic situation, their brain immediately begins to think how best to get out – what to do? If a solution is found, it is saved. Then all the efforts are focused on its implementation. Anxiety is reduced, and with it go away and painful experiences. Therefore, when such people share their difficulties, they do not need to feel sorry for them and sympathetically nodded his head. They want those whom they of the road, involved in their problem, sketched out some effective solutions, then offered: “how can I help?” And really helped.

Hold me

You can count on me!

If you want to help a meaningful person in your life, ask him: “what you need right now? How can I support you?” Do not be confused by the idea that, say, loving people have to guess what loved ones. Don’t have to. It is a myth. It is impossible to feel another person like yourself. Alas, in most cases we do not understand each other without words.

Refrain from judgment, evaluations and advice that you never asked. First person who talks about their misfortunes, they need recognition that he is bad and hurt that he has a problem: “Yes, it’s very hard and unfair”, “it was Hard for you”, “How you must have hurt”, “let’s talk about it”.

Even if you don’t find the words to Express to support, speak up and don’t freeze (“that’s all right, it’s not so bad”). Simply say: “I’m with you, I love you. You can count on me. We’re in this together”.

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The first reader

TV Presenter Olga Ushakova

– When someone close to bad, it is not necessary to turn into a clown and try in whatever was to cheer the sufferer. Sometimes useful to along to talk or even cry. And when emotions are released out, it is necessary to distract the person with something interesting. If he, on the contrary, wants to be alone, you can meet your needs, but to make it clear that you’re still around.

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